So much to do!!

So, I leave for Oregon in 2 days.  I get to be reunited with my love and hang out with family.

I have a ton to do in the next few days...I was going to work overtime because I have a ton to do at work as well but I just don't have time. I have too much to do.

I am really looking forward to seeing my love again...I said goodbye Monday morning and I'll see him Friday night. I hate when we're apart!  It's going to be a good Christmas.

I feel so terrible for the families in Connecticut who do not get to be with their loved ones this Christmas. What a horrible nightmare that must be. I'm sick of hearing people blame gun control or autism. I'm sure there are a thousand little things that led up to that kid doing this horrible thing. He was clearly mentally ill which is NOT the same as autism. And my first reaction was "people shouldn't have easy access to guns" too but some pointed out to me that he would have just used something else. He was just sick, clearly, and it's a terrible thing that happened.  I don't want to read anything about guns or autism. I just want to read about the lives that were lost and share in the grief of their loss. And be grateful my beautiful children are safe and well...hug them close and never take them for granted.

Can't wait to hug and smooch my soul mate!! 

My Ocean and Me

This song popped up on Pandora and totally reminded me of Justin and I since he travels so much:

“In My Arms” by Jon Foreman:

Here, my dear
This is where
We'll shake the nightmares free
I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

I think I figured it out
We need to be together
Like the shore and the sea
We are not one thing
We're drawn here together
My ocean and me

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Love we sleep apart
For the last time
For the last time

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

Here, my dear
This is where
We'll shake the nightmares free

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

I think I figured it out
We need to be together
Like the shore and the sea
We are not one thing
We're drawn here together
My ocean and me
I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Love we sleep apart
For the last time
For the last time

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

Lovely! I sent this to Justin and he replied "I looove you!!"

Can't wait to hold him in my arms again this weekend...and soon after we go to Oregon for holiday fun!!!!! So excited.

Melted Heart

I get him back in only a little over 24 hours!  So happy about that.  Today he sent me this email:

"I don't think you will ever really know or understand how much you mean to me....I feel so dang lucky to have you."

Swoon/melt!

I feel lucky, too, my love. Hurry home!!!

Losing Sleep

One of the things I notice about when Justin is off on a business trip is that I do not sleep very well. When he is home I sleep like a baby but when he is away falling asleep is difficult. I tend to get only 4-5 hours per night. I'm so exhausted! I couldn't run this morning...not on less than 4 hours of sleep.   I'll run after work for sure.

He just sent me an email that said:

"I already love you forever.  It feels awesome!"

I love his words.

I've been keeping really busy...only have to get through another 2 days, 2 hours and 10 minutes before I am in his arms again. Oh, and I got a photo from the couple who adopted Finn today! He looks so happy and he's getting so big! 

I think tonight might be a Motrin PM kind of night...but despite my exhaustion I am really happy. And really looking forward to Thursday!

My Justin

I took Mia on a bike ride around the neighborhood to see Christmas lights. I texted Justin to let him know what we were doing (he's en route to somewhere for work right now):

Justin: Lucky punk!!!...that sounds like so much fun right now!!
Me: It is!
Justin: I miss them! I miss my family. You guys are the best thing in my life.
Me: You are super missed. You are my life!
Justin: You are my wife! :)

I love that..."You are my wife..."

I love being his wife. It's not legal yet but what's a piece of paper? We live like married people. We share expenses (though not bank accounts because I am not a money grubbing bitch like some of his ex girlfriends), we share a home, we both care for the kids and pets, we both do chores, we take vacations...we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.

I remember how I felt when the gravity of my first marriage hit me...it was a "Oh, shit...what have I done?" kind of thing when the concept of marriage really hit me. It was not good. I was only 21 and I realized I had made a huge mistake.

When I think about spending my life with Justin I feel content...lucky...and really excited. It just feels right. Everything about him has felt correct since the first time we met. Best date ever...best first kiss ever...best brown chicken brown cow EVER...I had never felt more comfortable with another person in my life. He understands me...he sees me. I have felt like I could be myself from the very beginning...I've never had to hide anything from him. I let him see the good and the bad. And he is awesome at communicating. He can always make me laugh or at least smile.

I just asked him if growing old with me scares him...he said "not in the slightest...actually makes me want to workout more so I will be around longer."  Well, he said more than that but I won't share the rest because it's dirty...which is another thing I love about him. He is the only man who has ever been able to keep up with me...mentally or physically. It's really refreshing. I spent 8 years in a marriage that lacked any kind of chemistry and now every time is like the finale of a fireworks show. /sigh 

I love my life.

Productivity

The weekends I always enjoy the most include two important elements...Justin and getting a lot of shit done. I only had my love for about 18 hours this weekend but they were 18 awesome hours. I love being next to him. I finished my PJ pants so now we both have a pair made by me and we had yummy pizza and snuggled on the couch catching up on our shows. The PJs were super comfy but they were a bit long...I totally slipped and fell because they are so long. Justin was laughing and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe...that's going to leave a bruise or two!  Here are the pants:

I saw this fabric when I was looking for fabric for him and I loved it...kitties saying "Meow so lucky??"  Hilarious. And super cozy. I was pleased with the result, overall. Now we both have cozy PJs!

I love making things for him!!!

I'm so exhausted...time to sleep.

I love how many times a day he tells me he loves me. He and I have spoken every single day since the day we met except for when he was in Vienna in April 2011...and he emailed me constantly and wrote in a little book to me. I even found some poems he wrote about me.  He asked me to marry him back then...when he was in Vienna. Maybe 3 months after we met?...and I almost did it. But I wanted to be smart about things...I wanted to be sure. Even though I was already head over heels I didn't want to rush anything. I had never felt that way about anyone before. All the feelings I had called love before him didn't even come close to what I felt for him...and now all of those "loves" seem so shallow and insignificant. Even my first marriage. He says he feels the same way...that no woman in his life ever made him feel the way he feels about me.  Not even close. (Suck it, bitches!)

Do you know how amazing it is to feel this and to know the person you love is also that much in love with you?  It's what it's all about, I have decided. It's what makes life worth living.

What was it he told me...back when we realized he'd have to move to TX if this was going to work...?  Oh, yes...he said "You ruined my life for the better."

Goodnight, my love. You're far away tonight but I feel close to you...you're always in my heart and always on my mind.